We have a selection of questions today, ranging from “feminine energy” to the sometimes dreaded “What are we?” conversation. I’m here to shed some light on, and hopefully, demystify a few common dating questions.

Q: What does it mean to be in your feminine energy?

A: I don't use language like this, so I’m not 100% sure what the person saying it (a friend? another dating coach?) means, but I'm guessing they mean allowing someone else to take the lead versus planning and doing everything as you normally would in your everyday life. I don't necessarily disagree with that advice, though, if you seem to be taking charge in your dating life, and then simultaneously being upset that the other person is simply following.

I work with a lot of strong, independent, successful women whom I admire, but sometimes when they take their work persona onto their dates, it causes a struggle.

I had a conversation with a client the other day about doors. I asked her to experiment on her second date with someone taking a step back and allowing him to hold the door open for her at the restaurant versus beating him to it and opening it herself. She tried this and sent me a note of thanks, saying that he loved being able to do something nice for her, and she felt good that she allowed him to. Everybody wins this way.

Q: I’m scared to go on dating apps because I don't want people to think I’m desperate for love!

A: If you used a hammer instead of a shoe to put a nail in the wall, would you seem desperate?

If you used a calculator instead of your brain to multiply large numbers, would you seem desperate?

Using a tool that's available to you to get the result you want is not desperate; it's smart.

Lastly, and I say this advice all the time, in the nicest way, no one cares about you. Let me explain... everyone is so worried about themselves and what people think of them, as you are (sorry!), that they couldn't care less what you're doing. Try not to let that fear stop you from giving yourself the best chance to meet someone.

Q: Will be 60 soon. I’m scared men won't want someone my age. Scared to try. Am I wrong?

A: l understand the fear. But I assure you that there are people who will not want you and people who will want you at any age! (And you don't want the ones who don't want you!) I hear the same fear from people of all ages. And I know that fear is real and tangible. And sometimes debilitating.

But, the choice is either to live in your fear and not put yourself out there or put yourself out there, knowing that we don't have answers or guarantees. I would choose the latter. I would also be happy to work with you if you're looking for some guidance and support. Glad you're here.

Q: When is the best time for the "what are we?" question?

A: Rather than saying, "What are we?" which squarely puts the trajectory of your own relationship into somebody else's hands, instead, state what you would like to be and ask how the other person feels about it.

As for timing, that's up to you, but long enough to know that you like and respect this person and you're getting what you would want to get in a relationship with this person. Probably not before a month and a half. But that's arbitrary.

Q: He makes crass jokes and I told him it's a major turnoff. Wait and see if he can tone it down?

A: It's our job in the early stages of dating to observe someone, not to police them. I personally don't enjoy crass jokes either, but I also don't think it's my place to ask somebody to stop making them. Rather, if that behavior doesn't sit right with you, you don't have to engage with this person anymore.

So, more power to him if he ends up toning it down, but you also don't want to change someone's personality. I think that often, a humor mismatch is a big deal.

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