Friend Plans Trip During Birthday Party
DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend booked a trip, and she's going to be gone on my birthday. I have been planning my 30th birthday for four months; I put so much time and effort into planning it, and she won't be attending. We've been friends for eight years, and I just assumed that she was going to be there. I asked her why she scheduled her vacation during this time knowing that I have my party planned, and she said it was the only time that worked for her schedule. I understand that people have busy lives and that vacations often have to be planned around work, family and finances, but I can't help but feel hurt. Part of me feels like if attending my birthday was important to her, she would have found another time to travel. Another part of me wonders whether I'm expecting too much and whether I'm making this more personal than it really is.
I don't want to start an argument or make her feel guilty for taking a trip, but I'm sad and disappointed she can't be there with me to celebrate. Do you think I'm overreacting and having too high of expectations of my friend or is it fair to be this upset? -- Not a Good Friend
DEAR NOT A GOOD FRIEND: You have every right to feel hurt. Your best friend was well aware of your trip. That said, it's time to pivot. Go back to your party. Focus on all the details that make you happy. You can tell your friend how hurt you are, but move on.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a 44-year-old-woman with kids, a job and a house, and I still feel like that's never enough for my parents. They always want more from me. Ever since I was a little girl, I was never good enough. I'm the only one in my family to have graduated high school, obtained a college degree and have a career. My parents never supported me through schooling, telling me that an education is a privilege, not a right. They don't understand how hard I have worked, especially as a single mother, and they constantly start fights. We will get into arguments over me not being able to bring the kids over, working too much, not calling enough, etc. How can I have a healthy relationship with them if they don't understand me? Do you have any advice on how to tune them out? -- Impressing Parents
DEAR IMPRESSING PARENTS: It seems that your parents are putting all of their hopes and dreams on you. That is a heavy burden. Before you tune them out, try to talk to them. Remind them of how you have built your life and that some sacrifices come with that. You are not as available as they would like because you are building a career. This doesn't mean you don't love them. Maybe they can help. Could they come over more? Pick up the kids and spend time with them? Give them options for their involvement.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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