Couple Fights Over Who Gets To Drive
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend is currently not talking to me after we got into a huge argument over who should drive. He's usually the driver, but I wanted to take the wheel for the day, which set him off. He feels like I do not let him play his role as a man in our relationship and that I'm often overstepping boundaries. I do not think it's that serious. His driving does not equate to him being a good man, but since he grew up in a "traditional" house, he views things like that as valuable to maintaining our balance. I think it's controlling. As we continued talking, I told him that I didn't need him to do everything for me, as I am a grown adult. He felt like this was dismissive of his emotions and shut down immediately. How should I set my boundaries as an individual while still considering his needs as a man? -- Driver
DEAR DRIVER: Now is a good time to talk more deeply about values and roles in a relationship. On one hand, there's something nice about a man wanting to provide for his partner and make sure she is safe and sound. That can also be constricting. What you know from your boyfriend is that he grew up with a certain set of beliefs, as did you. Discover which ones you share and where you differ as well as what is a deal-breaker for each of you. Encourage him to be more willing to give you space to participate in some typically male roles, like driving the car. Know that this is ingrained in him -- the opposite of other men who were never exposed to such rules and don't think to open a door or pay for a meal on a first date (and more). Is his rigidity too much for you as you compare it to what others are experiencing today?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 20-year-old daughter just got engaged, and I wish she would've said no. I got married around that age and ended up getting a divorce a year later because I didn't know who I was yet. My daughter has been dating this guy for five years, and while that is more than enough time to get to know each other, they are going to change so much in their 20s that I fear things may go south quickly. Her fiance seems like a kind person, and I don't have any major issues with him, which makes this even more complicated. This isn't about disliking him; it's about fearing that they may be committing too soon without experiencing enough independence. I worry that if things don't work out, she could end up going through the same kind of heartbreak and instability I experienced. At the same time, I don't want to project my past onto her or make her feel like I don't support her happiness. How do I express my concerns without damaging our relationship or making her feel like I don't trust her judgment? Should I say anything at all, or is this a lesson she may need to learn on her own? -- Engaged
DEAR ENGAGED: Let your daughter live her life. Since you like her fiance, give them space to see what happens. Perhaps they are ready and can withstand the tosses and turns of life. You can ask them to envision their future and talk about how they plan to get there. That will help them think ahead.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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