Argument Brings Up Friend's Insecurities
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend and I were watching a reality show where contestants try to find love. At one point, we got into a friendly debate about whether one of the couples on the show was genuinely in love. She was convinced that they were, while I had my doubts and said I didn't think their connection seemed all that real. What started as a lighthearted conversation suddenly took a turn when she looked at me and said, "That's just because you don't know what love is." Her words hit me like a punch to the gut.
I've never had an official boyfriend, not because I don't want one, but because I'm usually not a man's first choice. I've gone on dates, and I've tried putting myself out there, but things never really progress for me the way they do for her. She, on the other hand, has had multiple boyfriends and is currently in a strong, loving relationship. It felt like at that moment, she was using her relationship history to invalidate my perspective, like my experiences, or lack thereof, made me less qualified to have an opinion on what love looks like. It felt like she was bragging about her own romantic success while reminding me of something I already feel insecure about. Am I being too sensitive about her comment? -- Thoughtless Friend
DEAR THOUGHTLESS FRIEND: Talk to your friend and tell her that her words hurt you deeply. While you have not experienced a fulfilling loving relationship yet, you do have ideas about what love will look like for you, and you have clear opinions about what you've seen on this show. Tell her that you felt her words were insensitive, judgmental and unnecessary.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Last weekend, I went on a trip to New York City with a group of co-workers I've only recently started getting to know. I've been living in Los Angeles for a little under a year, and while I've hung out with some of them casually before, this was our first real trip together. There were eight of us in total, and from the moment we arrived, the energy was just off. Everyone seemed incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. People kept splitting off into cliques and making plans without telling the rest of us, and there were constant disagreements about everything, from where to eat to what shows to see to who should pay for what. At one point, it felt like I was being ganged up on for simply suggesting we stick to the itinerary we had all agreed on beforehand. By the end of the weekend, I felt completely drained, excluded and embarrassed that I had agreed to go. It was awkward and stressful, and now I'm dreading going back to work and having to see these people every day. How do I handle the tension and awkwardness at work now? -- Group Trip Gone Wrong
DEAR GROUP TRIP GONE WRONG: See if you can adopt the attitude that whatever happened on vacation stays on vacation. Don't bring the misadventures of your trip back into the workplace. Stay professional and cordial with your co-workers, and do not rehash whatever occurred while you were away. Do your best to stay out of what sounds like high-school antics. Focus on your work.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2025 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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