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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a young child with a severe and visible disability. He is under the care of a well-trained team of professionals.

My husband and I often receive well-meaning but unwanted advice. When we receive unsolicited information, it is helpful to remember these people are usually sharing it out of a place of love because they care and want to help.

I have a practice of taking a deep breath, smiling, and saying, "Thank you. That's something for me to think about." In my experience, nearly none of these friends follows up. They don't need to know I only thought about it long enough to decide it is not worth pursuing.

GENTLE READER: It is gracious and correct of you to start from the assumption that people are well-meaning -- even if you are, of course, aware that not everyone is.

Miss Manners would only add that when you get unsolicited advice that does not merit a genuine "thank you" -- something that sounds either dangerous or critical -- the words of your response are still the correct ones. But in those cases, you may omit the smile and add a warning coolness to your tone of voice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm fairly new at my workplace, as is another lady, who has been there about four months longer than me. I'm really trying to get along with everyone, since my last job was a nightmare. I endured relentless bullying to the point that I got anxiety from it.

This current job doesn't involve grueling physical labor in the heat, but I still find my temperature rising, so to speak.

I feel that this other lady looks down on me because I'm a secretary. I have been interrupted by this person (as has another employee), which I ignored. She's constantly talking about what she owns, who she knows, what her husband did for work, what they drive, who her daughter's ex's dad is (a jailer, apparently) and what brand of clothing or shoes she's wearing.

When her mouth opens, you can bet it's going to be about her. I've tried tuning her out, but she wants everyone to hear just how important she is.

What's a tactful and polite way to let someone know their behavior is rude? Or should I continue to try and ignore it? I know we can't change others as much as we'd sometimes like to, but it's grating.

GENTLE READER: Why bother? You know she is rude, and you also know she is trouble.

Remember that this is work -- not your social life. It is rude to correct another person's manners, but then Miss Manners would also think it would be foolish to make an enemy when you have the luxury of a fresh start. Plus, there is the daughter's ex's jailer dad.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN