Sorry I Didn't Dress Up For The Dmv
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I went to the DMV to get a temporary tag, I noticed that every person in line -- about 25 people, from young to middle-aged -- was wearing their pajamas and flip-flops. They all looked like they had just rolled out of bed.
They were also all on their phones, oblivious to others. I felt like I was in their bedrooms or bathrooms, not in a public building.
Is it too much to ask another person to put on some decent clothes, wash their face, take their hair out of a shower cap, brush their teeth and brush their hair before being out in public? Is sloppy the new chic?
It's downright disgusting and disrespectful of others. Do they go to school like this? To work? To church? Where are the boundaries?
I am befuddled and feel disrespected. I don't have millions of dollars, but I can still roll out of bed, wash my face, brush my teeth, comb my hair and put on clothes before heading out the door to run errands -- even if it's for 10 minutes.
I often wonder if this has triggered some of the anger in our public spaces. As I see it, if people can't respect themselves enough to dress properly and practice hygiene, observing some social graces or norms when in public, then they don't respect others. "Letting it all hang out" has gone too far.
It's like living in a dystopia -- no rules, no boundaries, no etiquette. Meanness rules, and disrespect is the norm. Social graces were not created to make people feel superior, but to help people feel more comfortable around others. Something is wrong!
GENTLE READER: Well, they do feel comfortable around others. They are in their pajamas.
But, as you noticed, they don't much care about how others see them. Causes could include the isolation of COVID, the idea that any style except "casual" is pretentious, ageism that fears looking "grown-up," a lack of creativity in the fashion industry, the mistaken belief that other clothes must be constrictive, and simple laziness.
But Miss Manners still finds it odd. Don't most of them post pictures of themselves for others to admire? Maybe it's only "online people" they want to impress, not live ones.
But you are not the only person to find this unsightly. The world is beginning to notice, and several countries are now establishing dress codes for tourists.
Miss Manners can't help thinking that the offenders also pay a personal price. Satisfaction, if not pride, in one's appearance is known to be connected with morale.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am just back from what was supposed to be my dream trip to Italy and Spain. I won't say it was a total nightmare, but I was treated rudely by locals who were protesting tourism. There were shouts and even a near miss from a water pistol.
We all know that these places' economies are based on tourism. And frankly, they couldn't ask for a better visitor: I had studied up on their history and art, and learned enough Italian and Spanish phrases to speak to the locals in their own language. How did they even identify me as a tourist?
GENTLE READER: How were you dressed?
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2025 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2025 JUDITH MARTIN
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