ArcaMax

Dear Eric: Over the years people have said things to me such as, "I can't go to lunch with you today after all. I'm going to go to lunch with John instead."

Or at the last minute, "I can't go to see the play with you this evening. My boyfriend says we're going someplace else."

Sometimes people fail altogether to show up for plans made in ...Read more

Dear Eric: I got married at 23, divorced at 30. I’m now in my 40s. I don’t have much association with my ex-husband, but I do hear about him from time to time because we’re in the same industry.

Recently, my ex started working at my company as a consultant. He’s mostly remote but has about a week of in-office time once a month. ...Read more

Dear Eric: My special friend and I are in our late 70’s and have lost our long-time spouses. We are blessed to have found each other on a hiking trip and for two years have been inseparable.

His family loves me and I love his family. Recently he has asked me to sell my house and move in with him.

So, what is the problem? I have a small dog, ...Read more

Dear Eric: I saw my pastor on a dating app. This is mostly fine, because he is single and hasn’t taken a vow of chastity (that I know of). He even said in his profile that he leads a faith community. We matched and I messaged something silly. I guess he didn’t remember who I was because he messaged back and we got to talking.

I was curious ...Read more

Dear Eric: Because I am getting older (80 this year), my husband and I, who have been attending funerals more frequently lately, have begun discussing our funeral/burial wishes.

We have shared some of these with our three married sons. The oldest seems to think that the funeral is for those remaining, and I should not have much to say about it....Read more

Dear Eric: My kids, ages 15, 18 and 23, were having a discussion about post-World War II racial discrimination while we were having dinner in an IKEA cafeteria. There was a Black family sitting directly behind us. I was concerned about them saying the words “Black people,” because I was afraid that the family might overhear the term out of ...Read more

Dear Eric: My ex-husband has begun a relationship with a woman to whom he’s recently introduced our 10-year-old son. He shared via a very long-winded yet somehow vague text that they would be meeting during the two weeks our son was spending with him over the summer break.

Two days after this meeting, he texts again to say that his work ...Read more

Dear Eric: I am a giver. It has always been ingrained in my personality. I give and help family, friends, neighbors, perfect strangers. I am always volunteering to help in any way I can. This causes people to take advantage of me.

I am always giving and doing more for them than they do for me. When I need something, so-called friends are seldom...Read more

Dear Eric: My sister suffered a catastrophic medical event and was put on life support.

When we arrived at the hospital, we were shocked to find that my 33-year-old nephew had the hospital put a “block” on my sister's chart that forbade us from seeing her unless he was there.

When he was 20 years old, he sent me an email telling me how he ...Read more

Dear Eric: My wife of 44 years passed away after a 6-year battle with cancer. During that time, she said that with all the billions of people on the planet, I could surely find someone else to love. And that I had her permission.

After an appropriate time of mourning, I went on a dating site and met a lot of lovely women. One in particular has ...Read more

Dear Eric: We recently hosted a relative and his wife for a few days. They are longtime friends and their children are our children's contemporaries.

During their visit, the wife talked incessantly, sharing stories about their family members in great detail. In our efforts to reciprocate with some updates about our family, the wife would ...Read more

Dear Eric: Once a year, the company I work for encourages a day off from work spent with coworkers labeled as a "mental health day."

To me this would be OK if we didn't spend so much time together at work. I work 40 hours a week with these people. I spend eight hours a day with them whereas I only spend about six hours with my family.

We all ...Read more

Dear Eric: After working 50 years, I recently retired. At the same time, the house next door to us was sold to a family with six children, ranging in age from newborn to 10 years old.

We do not have large lots. What was once my backyard oasis (I garden, read, and swim) is now a nightmare. Children literally screaming. I don't know what to do. ...Read more

Dear Eric: I have a stressful job with coworkers that I think are nice but inept. My boss’s boss is his brother and there are a few other family members at the company, so it’s no surprise to me that people with no skills seem to have succeeded. After work, I like to blow off steam by recounting the latest idiocy to my wife. She agrees with ...Read more

Dear Eric: We are an empty-nester couple in our 50s. We entertain often, and in one group is a couple who have an adult child, W, who lives with them. This couple frequently asks if W is invited too. We always say yes. The problem is that W tends to put a significant damper on gatherings. They never engage in conversation, literally zero other ...Read more

Dear Eric: Our youngest child has worked only part time for the past two years, despite being a single mother to two children. At the same time her job situation deteriorated, my husband and I moved away from the city where we all had lived. Our daughter felt abandoned when we left, especially since my husband and I were babysitters, money ...Read more

Dear Eric: My husband died by his own hand more than 20 years ago. We had three kids younger than 15. I was devastated but I had to keep going to maintain some normalcy for them. I went back to school, got a job, sent kids to college, et cetera.

Then came a bombshell a few years ago. My youngest said I have never been there for her, that I only...Read more

Dear Eric: I have a first cousin that is a very good cook and likes to invite people over for dinner. She has a good job in the medical field. She is not overtly depressed. The problem is the housekeeping and upkeep of the kitchen.

Filthy doesn’t describe the full essence of the situation. There is hoarding, litter boxes that haven’t been ...Read more

Threadbare clothing causes embarrassment

Dear Eric: How much wear is too much wear on personal items? If I am even middle class, I'm clinging to the bottom rung by the tips of my fingers. I know work clothing must be clean and neat, free from stains and holes. But how much wiggle room is there for imperfections?

Some examples: I went to a ...Read more