ArcaMax

Sign behind an Amish carriage:

"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on grass and oats. CAUTION: Avoid exhaust!"

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Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the ...Read more

A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake.

Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an ...Read more

After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness

My apprehension lightened a bit when the ...Read more

In baseball, a "can of corn" refers to a fly ball that is easy to catch. This phrase reportedly came from an old practice of grocery store clerks, who used to knock unreachable cans off high shelves with a stick and catch them in their work aprons.

bridewell \BRYD-wel\ (noun) - A prison

"Men arrested for crimes such as trespass, public intoxication, lewdness, and domestic violence could be confined to the demiprison of the bridewell."

After a prison that formerly stood near the church of St. Bride in London during 1545-55.

listid: 3

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a ...Read more

DAD - Son, come in here, we need to talk.

SON - What's up, Dad?

DAD - There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

SON - I don't believe; if I understand the definition of "scratch the car"; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.

DAD - Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one ...Read more

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

...Read more

My husband and I were having dinner at a lovely restaurant one night when I stopped eating mid-plate.

"I'm done," I said.

"What? Why?" he asked.

"This pasta and shrimp is delicious, but I'm full. I can't eat any more."

"Take it home," he said.

"Where? Who's going to eat it? When?"

"Our house. Me. Later," he replied.

"But we're not going...Read more

Increase the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.

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We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we ...Read more

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Answers
1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

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A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.She took the parrot home.

In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. "The parrot doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a mirror?"

"No."

"Every parrot needs a mirror. "

So she ...Read more

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss ...Read more